So apparently I did 10 posts in the month of January...the month of so-called "New Years Resolutions"
Well, you could say I failed at mine. I didn't continue posting each day or even each week. But that's gonna change.
HECK NO! I'm not making a new resolution to keep posting, keep writing, or any of that junk. NO
Rather, tonight God told me to be a light, and then He said that the light needs to shine so people can see it. Specifically, He told me to write. Tonight He spoke to me through the speaker at be-yond at Calvary Temple and a woman who prayed for me. While she was praying for me she mentioned using talents and abilities that I was afraid of, or afraid to use. Immediately I knew what that meant for me.
Now whether or not I'm super talented at writing or not is not the point, so keep you judgment to yourself. You will find as you read, that I have pretty good grammar. When my grammar slips it's usually for style or fun...ya know, on purpose...like this. And I have impeccable spelling. Thank you spell check.
So anyway, back to being a light. Let me tell you about what God is doing in my life.
I quit going to the church, that I had been attending and serving at for eight years, in January. It was a hard decision. I had two options. One; stay committed to the job I was doing, or two; quit and go somewhere else. Well, I had to quit and go somewhere else. It wasn't because I hated my church or any of the people, the problem was me. I had been serving without a heart for God for probably at least six months. Sure I had moment of inspiration, but were they from God or just some personal satisfaction that I had because I did something cool? I don't know, because my heart was so far away from Him. I was doing what I had to do on Sundays and doing what I wanted to do the rest of the week. To say the least, a lot of what I wanted to do wasn't Christ-like.
I was committed to myself to make a change in my life. The first thing I had to do was get a little perspective. So I left my family's church and my church family to wander in the wilderness. I wanted to regain the passion and love for Jesus that I had before. My spiritual health was deteriorating and I wanted to reverse the effects. The change was marked, at least for me. I finally could be honest with myself about the state I was in. I knew exactly what needed to change and could finally take the steps to get there.
In the last four months I've had my share of struggles. As they say in The Lion King, "Ah, change is good...but it's not easy." I'm not going to get it right all the time, but each Sunday, without fail, God reveals a little something to me. Each Sunday I get a little stronger in my faith. My faith is simple, and the most challenging thing in my life. All I want is to be more like Jesus and everyday it's the hardest thing on my to-do list. Every decision I make reflects my faith. Everything I do I want to be like Jesus. It's the hardest thing in the world...especially after the fact. Sometimes I do or say something and then I pull a Homer Simpson. "Doh! That didn't make me more like Jesus."
I know its a process. One day I'll be home in heaven with Jesus and I will finish the transformation. Until then I'll work on bringing a heavenly attitude and lifestyle to earth. 2nd Corinthians 3:18 says "So all of us who have had the veil removed can see and reflect the glory of the Lord. And the Lord - who is the Spirit - makes us more and more like his as we are changed into his glorious image." (NLT)
I was listening to Owl City today and some lyrics really struck me as to how I've been feeling lately but thank God for his mercy.
"I forget the last time I felt brave, I just recall insecurity
Cause it came down like a tidal wave, and sorrow swept over me
Then I was given grace and love, I was blind but now I can see
Cause I found a new hope from above, and courage swept over me"
